For Such a Time as This

“And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?”

(Esther 4:14)

“For such a time as this you were born.”  Those were the lyrics to the first song playing on my new CD as I sank lower into the soothing warmth of the tub.  As I sat and listened to the lyrics, I began to cry.  As I soaked in the warmth of the bath I had drawn, I sobbed tears of pain, tears of grief, tears of relief, tears from depths of my soul that had never been touched until then.  Just before drawing the bath, I had looked in the mirror for the first time in days.  The woman in the mirror looked haggard, disheveled, weary, and years older than before.  That woman in the mirror was me, but it was not a picture of myself I had ever imagined seeing.  This was a self completely depleted, completely alone in the world, completely and utterly void of any human concerns for that moment in time. 

The above paragraph is something I wrote after the death of my first husband.  At just 31 years of age, I was a widow.  It was a time in my life that I practically stood outside my body looking at the events that had transpired.  God sustained me.  God provided.  God foreknew.  I knew at that moment that God would carry me through all things in life.  No matter how daunting the trials I would face, God would be there.  Today, I hold to that promise.  For such a time as this, God has been preparing me, pruning me and instructing me so that I would be ready for the task at hand.  Not so I am able to bear the burden alone, but so I know how to walk in solidarity with my savior knowing He is Lord.

Lord, help me to keep my focus entirely on You and not on the circumstances of my life.  I praise you for the assurance that you go before me in all things.

Peace And Autism

“You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in You.”  (Isaiah 26:3)

Living with autism may often seem unpredictable, or uncertain, if you will. Many children with autism have difficulty communicating their wants and needs, much less their feelings.  Some are even non-verbal which makes communicating all the more difficult, so the parent or caregiver must watch the child’s behavior which may often seem completely erratic.  If a child, disabled or not, wants your attention, that child will find a way to communicate his needs to you.  With severe autism, the child may strike the nearest person or throw something across the room.  When he is beyond frustrated and cannot communicate something to me, my child sometimes reaches what I call “the point of no return”.  At that point, helping my child to attain peace is not what gets me through these situations, it is God’s perfect peace as promised in Isaiah.

Perfect peace and autism may seem impossible to some.  Sensory struggles alone can cause such pain and agitation for our children that peace, yet alone perfect peace, seems insurmountable.  The child’s peace in the moment is not key; however, it is the parent’s ability to have peace in the moment while handling the situation.  And, yes, the good news is that perfect peace is attainable, especially when life’s challenges seem impossible. 

When I am at my wit’s end, my house is a wreck and my son is inconsolable, is when God steps in and says: “I’ve got this”.  How, one might ask?  The equation is simple.  Perfect peace only comes through complete submission to God and trust in God’s divine purpose amidst the struggles of the here and now.  I literally ask God to keep my eyes, heart and mind completely focused on Him and Him alone.  The key is to keep one’s focus on God and not the situation.  If there is no trust in God to give peace amidst the storm, there is no peace. Believe that God is who He says He is, and take refuge in His promises.  The next time you encounter a situation that appears to be completely out of control, call on God, claim His promises and trust Him to walk you through with a perfect peace that only He can give.

Lord, when things get tough, help me to keep my eyes focused on you alone.  When I am tempted to choose despair, pull me out by the promises you make in your Holy Word.  I praise Your holy name for the knowledge that You will never leave nor forsake me.  You are my refuge, my strength and my peace.

No Worries

“The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear Him, and He delivers them.  Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him.”  (Psalm 34:7-8)

My son is non-verbal and cannot tell me what happens each day at school.  When schools are non-communicative and one’s child is undeniably upset at the end of a school day, a parent’s mind can run wild with fear-driven thoughts.  Rather than fear what may or may not happen at school, I have found that taking refuge in God’s word and His promises erases my earthly fears for my son.  God promises that His angels encamp around those who fear Him.  There have been many days that I have prayed for God to place angels around my son. When I pray this prayer, I am putting my fears of what others might do into God's hands; I am deliberately choosing to trade my stress and worry for God's peace.  

When you find yourself fearing what may or may not happen when you cannot be with your non-verbal child, have confidence that God encamps His angels around your child.  Pray this scripture confidently over your child, and rest in peace knowing that God loves you and your child so much that He assigns angels to protect you.  It’s a promise!

Lord, I pray with confidence that you encamp angels around Benjamin each day.  I delight in the knowledge that Your Word is Truth and that Your Word promises angels surround those who have faith in You.  I take refuge in You, Lord, for You are my strength. 

“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.”  (James 1:17)

All children are a gift, whether typical children or special kiddos.  Though my life may be ever changing with the peaks and valleys of raising my children, God never changes.  As I am continually challenged with the mountains my family may face daily, I take refuge in the knowledge that God is not only good and perfect, but he is a loving Father.  It is often said that children need consistency.  Isn’t it a comfort knowing that God’s goodness and his love for us will always be consistent no matter how deep the valley may seem?  Through the challenges of raising such a precious child, I have confidence in the fact that God is a constant on whom I can always rely to guide me along the way.

Father, thank you for the perfect gift of my son and for the knowledge that you are going to be with us every step along the spectrum called autism.  The love I have for my son is the perfect reminder of the love You have for me and just how unfathomable the depth of that love must be.